Seemingly Harmless Broadcast Drives Adults to Madness

The channel KIDZ– to be a harmless children’s show, featuring colorful characters and whimsical songs. Yet researchers discovered the broadcast encodes existential truths in the melody—truths the human mind cannot parse safely.

Adults who watched experienced extreme dread, facebook.com/uneditedmeat uncontrollable weeping, comedy and viral irreversible personality deterioration. One viewer insisted:

"The puppets remembered the lives I lived before I was born."

A government advisory simply states:

"DO NOT WATCH.

DO NOT LISTEN.

DO NOT SEEK ACCESS TO KIDZ–EON."

KIDZ–EON remains the only known station classified as cognitohazardous to all age groups.